Thursday, May 28, 2009

Scenes from the Walmart, or, Why you can't take me anywhere

Setting: Super Walmart

Cast: Myself
Best Friend

Supporting members:
Male, probably in his mid-teens, tall, scrawny. Wearing gray camo-print hoodie/jacket thing, oversized gray camo-print pants. His hair is some sort of crazy muellet/rat tail situation – cut very close in front and back except for this REALLY long pony tail. It almost looks like he just pinned it to the lower part of his head. We’ll call him Camo

Female, probably in early to mid teens, short, average weight. She is also wearing gray camo-print jacket, with jeans and sneakers. We’ll call her Camolette


Best Friend and I approach an aisle, as we do Camo walks by, closely followed by Camolette, who is talking at him. At first I’m too distracted by the clothing options to listen to what Camolette is saying. Then think I hear her saying something about being at Culver’s for three years?? It’s unclear.

As they pass Best Friend and I watch them go and make big eyes at each other.

Me: (gesturing with an open hand palm facing the retreating backs of Camo and Camolette) That?? Is why I don’t do Wal-Mart. That right there.

Best Friend: Well I just heard [Camolette] say she wore her Converse for three years and they smell. Well YEAH they would smell if you wore them for three years.


Setting: Same night, Super Walmart

Cast: Myself
Best Friend

Supporting members:
Unassuming woman probably in her late 40’s early 50’s.


Best Friend and I approach the shampoo isle. A woman is already in said isle browsing the shampoos.

Me: Ok how does this work? I don’t do cheap shampoos so what do you do exactly?

The woman steals glances at me with almost a sense of wonder like “who ARE you?”

Me: Yeah, I guess this is what happens when you’re poor – you get bad hair.

~ Fin ~

You’ll be glad to know that from what I remember, we managed to make it out of the store without further incident.

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