It's 9:15am and I'm learning lessons like a Mofo

This is classic me - and I should rename this whole thing Idiot Savant. I mean really.

Here's the thing:

Funds right now, as for most people, are tight. They were really bad last month when I was actually hired on as a permanent employee. Which - hardly makes any sense I know, but trust me. It's completely no fun be getting paid every week and then suddenly have to wait almost an entire month, with only half a paycheck, to be paid again, to get you on the "regular" schedule.

Well I don't like "regular".

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT (emphasis on the NOT) complaining about being employed and (eventually) having money, but the transition has been a shock.

Due to the realllly tight fundage, I've had to make some adjustments. Mainly in the food area of my life. Mainly in that, I don't get to buy any.

Obviously I just can't not eat (if you don't believe me ask the Best Friend, trust me. Hungry and me? DO NOT WORK) so I bought the two things that seem to have some staying power: eggs and potatoes.

Do you have any idea the power of those two foods?

Amazing is what it is.

I believe that after this whole crazy time is over, I'll write a cookbook using pretty much just eggs and potatoes. However, lesson one will have to be how to cook those potatoes in oil and not burn the ever-loving crud out of them. I have quite a lovely picture on my phone actually.

So I was getting along - eggs, potatoes and me. Then, of course, "your car registration is due" What?? Of COURSE IT IS. This is me we're talking about here.

Well, being stretched as I already was, parting with another completely unplanned $76was, to say the least, like trying to take candy from a toddler - I put up a good fight but in the end was too weak to shield my money from the powers that be at the DMV.

SO!

Once again I found myself with all my bills paid - yay! - but now with a whole host of new problems. The dog has no food, and I have no gas.

Dilemmas.

Back in the day when I was housing my two completely insane cats, I would have fed them soup and/or cereal for a few days and they would have LIKED it until I could get some funds and buy them proper food.

Not so much with dogs. Also - I'm slightly unwilling to share my potatoes and eggs with him.

Dog food is expensive when it's a choice between a $7 bag of food for your DOG...and getting gas money to drive to your JOB for MONEY for food for your dog.

I briefly considered buying high end treats ($3!!) and cutting them up.

I took the high road - and Mr. Fairfield (that's what I call my dog), got food and I was left with $8 for gas to drive 20 minutes to work (40 round trip) for three days.

Since I've found myself in this same position last month I knew that ain't no $8 gonna get me to work for three days. Not unless it turns into that magic oil that could last for 8 days. No way.

Lucky me I had to work at the PT job and - voila! I got a tip! Now I had $9!!

So I found myself at the gas station before work, and put my whopping $9 of gas in my dead-empty tank. Which, not surprisingly, did not go that far. Not far at all. Not even a true 1/2 tank.

At this point I completely lose my mind and all my hard-earned poor people lessons and basically throw in the towel. Which leads me to writing the most ridiculous e-mail to my manager about possibly working from home, which I know she doesn't like in the first place. Just - I mean - really? Who does this stuff happen to?

I finally get my manager's response approving it - yay? Which is when I finally remember the most important lesson I've ever been told:

Kwik Trip still takes checks - good 'ole checks, not run electronically. Like - they take them to the bank to be deposited and it takes a good two days.

What's wrong with me? I guess instead of writing this I should be writing post-its to place around my car reminding me about Kwik Trip. It might look a little schizophrenic - SURE! At least I wouldn't have to write crazy - poor-house e-mails anymore.

I've also decided while I'm writing my eggs and potatoes cookbook, I'll set to write another book - a guide if you will - on how to be poor. I'll probably make it pocket sized for easy reference while on the go.

Lesson One: Kwik Trip takes checks for gas - so stop writing the humiliating e-mail to your manager!