I know you thought the day would never come, you were wrong

Remember those pics I mentioned like WAY back in the day? The ones from the Boyfriend's gig at the coffee shop? Where I took so many test shots that I only got like ONE actual picture of him playing? Well - in the spirit of finally, finally starting to get some stuff done. Stuff that's been hanging over my head and mocking me each and every day it remains undone, I proudly present to you...**drum roll**
Pictures! Behold!



- One of the random shots I took while trying to figure out what setting to use on my camera, thanks to Picnik it ended up looking pretty sah-weet -




- Another coffee shop test picture. In "real life" it's this pretty cool partial bust in plaster of paris or something -



- Yet another test shot (yeah it's really NO WONDER I had no battery power left when the Boyfriend got up there!) I really like those coffee mug planters though -



- Hum...whatever could this possibly be?? Maybe it's yet another test shot...and NOT a picture of the actual show... -




- Aaaaand here it is! The ONE picture that was the reason for al the rest...The Boyfriend! -



- This one is big time courtesy of Picnik. Same Boyfriend pic with like 5 Picnik effects. Nice...right? -

Then - there was mention of some fabulous flowers inhabiting my yard. Of course they are no longer blooming - probably mostly because I suck at growing stuff. Here's what they used to look like.



- Georgeous! -




- I wish I would have known how to make these beautiful and blooming for longer than the week that they lasted -

Lastly the infamous blue mac and cheese. Remember that this was gluten free and I had added blue cheese and then let it sit for a few days. Apparently this shouldn't be done.






- This, probably pretty obviously, was the pic where I try and make smurf blue mac and cheese look "arty" -

Well - that's all she wrote for right now! I'm hoping to get some pics up of the bridal shower I recently threw for my friend. Hopefully sooner than i managed to get these taken care of. Have a GREAT weekend!

This is probably why gym's shouldn't have TV's

The other day I managed to find a spare hour to hit the gym. While this is completely amazing just by its self, that’s not the story. The story is that I happened to see Donald Trump on one of the TV’s, kickin' it in his boardroom all The Apprentice style. He was with a young man (possibly his son. Does he have a son?) They were the only two people in the room, and were getting up from the table. Cut to a close up on T-Rump’s face. Cut back again to show T- Rump escorting the young man out of the boardroom.

Since I have no idea what was being said, it made me think: Does Donald Trump fire his family?

His kids for instance. Like when they were younger and they got in trouble for breaking curfew or whatever, instead of getting grounded, did T-Rump simply sit them down in a boardroom somewhere and just…fire…them?

Or his wives. Does he actually tell them he wants a divorce or does he also march them into the room, the table still wet from the tears of a firing earlier that day, and say “I’ve been really observing your performance these last few years and I don’t like what I see” and then he goes on to list whatever it is he’s sick of, then maybe he takes her hands and says “Dear, You’re Fired!”

Then she’s confused so she starts crying and T-Rump is all “Hey! There’s no crying in the boardroom, you take this outside missy” So she leaves and maybe gives a little confession in the elevator for T-Rump to watch later, maybe on You Tube, and then he calls his secretary to call maintenance to come wipe up this table for God’s sake, someone could slip and that’s just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Apparently my job hates me and wants me to live in a van down by the river

As of today my job is costing me more money than am making. I'd say I'm not sure how this is happening, but I do know, it's just that I'm completely powerless to stop it. The easy solution here would be to quit...and yet here we are in a recession and with the highest unemployment rates since probably the Depression. So...

I'm not exactly a huge fan of my job. I mostly work here as a result of circumstance. I stay here for that same reason. Not for lack of trying mind you, this is all completely situational. It also means that I have a total lack of control over the things that are imposed on me.

Let's take a little look see back at the beginning:

October 2004: Lose my arts job in the big D to the C; Come back to J-Town and work at Gap over the Holiday Season

February 2005: Finally land a job in Mad-Town. Yay. Completely not arts related but what are you gonna do sometimes?

December 2007: Find out our largest client is being bought out by BoA (EVIl!) and we might lose our jobs. MERRY CHRISTMAS ASSHOLES!

February 2007: Land job with the el banco side of our company, which, obviously, since they said we were guaranteed positions with them if we applied. I'm preeeeety sure HR at el banco was none to pleased with this. Yet, I still had to go through three rounds of interviews.

October 2007: The first of many job decisions is made for me. What's great is that at first it was presented as an "option"...when I wasn't receptive to their "option" it became law. Extreme anger ensues.

Sometime a bit later in 2007: Realize getting paid mileage IS a pretty sweet deal. Yay money!! This feeling will not last.

Beginning of 2008: Told that the company is spending too much money sending me all over the place to work as the floater. (Who's fault is that again?? Not mine! I tried to tell you no...)Told I must start driving the company car. I am issued a company credit card though when I refuse to front the money for gas before getting reimbursed.

March 2008: Learn that I'm not getting the cost of living raise. I'm not getting any raise. Apparently you're not allowed to blow off steam at work...in front of your boss...Am told there will be a review in October at which time I'll most likely get my whopping 5%.

October 2008: No extra review...still no raise

November 2008: This sucks. All that extra money from getting mileage reimbursement is gone. Poof! I am not scrounging up money to pay for car insurance on MY car. A car I'm not even supposed to be driving...well at least to work. Not sure how to bring up that extra review we were supposed to be having.

March 2009: Review time again. it's also right around the same time we started a hiring freeze and announced lay offs. Lucky me I still have a job - but only because the person that was supposed to be at one of the locations quit since they made her mad too. Que: "Just be glad you have a job" refrains...from like....everyone

It's been decided that my current position is being eliminated, and I will fill in the spot currently open from where the other person quit. Awesome. Thanks for asking me what I wanted. Oh right, I don't get to make those kinds of decisions about my own career like...ever.

By the way? We're also taking back the company car and credit card...even though we know you really wanted to work where you are actually living and now will have a 20 minute daily commute that you need to front the gas for. All the time. From now until forever.

But! We're giving you your 5% raise and letting you keep a job! You can thank us later. We know...we're giving like that.

June 2009, Today : Coming up with gas money is increasingly hard. I haven't been able to completely fill my tank in months. Most of the bills are going unpaid and to add insult to injury, I've been appointed to (read: commanded to)be the spokes person for a "business success" group for our location. The group is based out of a city almost 2 hours away. The meetings are usually in the city which is 2 hours away or sometimes in one 45 minutes away.

Awesome.

Sure, I will eventually get gas reimbursement, but only after I front my own money for the gas to get there. I'm not sure my company got the memo on this...but gas? It's almost $3/gallon right now. Because it's summer. Because it's prime tourist season.

Later Today: I'm informed that our company has come out with this line (sorry...COLLECTION) of company apparel that is 100% certified organic cotton and that everyone else is buying this nifty green shirts from the "collection". The shirts at $30 a pop. I have to buy three different medications totaling around $30 not to mention buy "special bread" from my stupid autoimmune disease that costs $6/loaf and only lasts a week. In the refrigerator. In an air-tight container.

I'm not sure exactly what the cap is on your company forcing you to spend money, but I'm kind of reaching my limit. I think enough's enough.

Robert Goulet totally comes into your house and messes with your stuff

Do you remember those Emerald Nuts commericals where once people started hitting their 3pm slump Robert Goulet would appear and mess with their stuff?







After doing some biased, non-scientific research, I feel confident saying that Robert Goulet is coming into your home at 3pm and messing with your stuff.

How do I know this?

My missing armband for my iPod? In some totally random box with a bunch of the boyfriend's junk.

Missing plastic cover for my iTouch screen? In the same totally random boyfriend box.

Best Friend's 5 sticks of perfectly usable butter? MISSING.

I know...I know...this is quite shocking. Isn't it nice to know you have an out though? I mean missing homework? Robert Goulet! Missing pet? Robert Goulet! Missing bills? Robert Goulet!

In fact, now that I hink about it, I bet half this economic downturn can all be traced back to a few 3pm slumps that Robert Goulet took advantage of. I mean the bill was in the mail!!!! I swear! Goulet!!!!! **shakes fist at sky**

See?

The moral of the story is to stay alert people! Do not become a victim of Robert Goulet's masterful stealth spy skills.

P.S.: Apparently this post was brough to you by Emerald Nuts

P.P.S: Emerald Nuts doesn't know that they sponsored this post...

P.P.P.S: They probably wouldn't sponsor it even if it was some pretty darn good free advertising.

P.P.P.P.S: Goulet!!!!!!!

Hopefully you're better at following your life guideposts than me

A few years ago I met the most incredible person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Then, a few short months later, she suddenly passed away, and I was completely destroyed.

Her name is Liz and not only was she beautiful outside, but just as beautiful on the inside as well. I know lots of people are probably described that way, but I really, truly mean this. Liz was generous, kind, funny and extremely talented. She was the person that I wish I could be. She was the person that everyone should want to be.

Liz was also my tattoo artist and I will struggle with finding someone to "replace" her probably for the rest of my life. This is an important distinction in this story though.

See, the other day at my part-time job, a customer came in and was sporting a freshly finished tattoo. It was fine as far as tattoos go - especially considering it was done in the city where I currently live (I'm probably being elitist, but most of the tattoo artists in my town don't do custom work and that's a huge red flag) (The tattoo artists changing around a few of the colors is not indicative of custom work. FYI).

This customer went on to explain that it was his very first tattoo and he hadn't really put a lot of thought into it, he just knew he wanted one (mistake! I'm sure even Liz would agree with that!) It did represent his interests though, so he obviously didn't just walk up to the wall, spin himself around a few times and get the first thing his finger landed on (Never do this! You will probably end up with a yellow rose wrapped around a skeleton holding a sword or something equally hideous. Unless that's what you've always wanted forever and ever...then yay you!)

Basically though, I was more skeptical than I was excited for this guy, primarily due to the reasons I just mentioned and that the tattoo artist said it was totally ok for this guy to hit the gym directly afterwards. I have 7 tattoos myself so I'm fairly qualified to make these sorts of judgements. Although I probably should just make them in my head.

The guy was super happy though, and clearly excited to show of his fresh ink, so really that's all that should have mattered in the grand scheme of things, and off he goes to and do whatever it was he came to the gym to do, and then I started feeling like the asshole I probably am. The more I recall our exchange, the more ass holey I feel.

Sometimes, after I find myself in certain situations, I'll reflect back and think about how Liz would have handled the situation. Usually I realize it would have been with a heck of a lot more grace and class. Or at least nicer. Then I think to myself "Ok, so next time we're gonna handle this better, right? Right!" Then next time comes around and I'm typically an asshole yet again.

Anyway.....

I've been thinking this tattoo situation over...and last night I started getting really maudlin about it. Liz's beautiful face kept popping into my head and I would imagine her having this same "new tattoo" discussion with this guy, and I realized she would have been really encouraging and excited for him. Even if she didn't necessarily agree with it or him, I'm sure she wouldn't have turned into Debbie Downer like I did.

See, I have a bad habit of, as the boyfriend would say, "ruining it". Someone else is happy about something and I come along all critical and smarty-pants and crush that high. The worst part is I just can't stop myself. It's not like it happens all the time for every little thing, but usually on things that are either wholly or partially questionable (to me).

People tell stories for a reason and it's not always to just pass the time or fill the silence. People tell stories so that everyone else can experience their same emotions - happy or not. We want those around us to share in our expediences and we want to know that someone else is on our side or at least agrees with us.

I don't "ruin it" on purpose, because I wouldn't want anyone to do it to me - but my stupid analytical brain gets in the way, and while my head is working in overdrive, I lose what little control I have over my mouth and out spews my verbal vomit.

Some people would probably just tell me to try and censor myself better. Maybe. I think the bigger issue is being able to shut off my asshole brain for a second and just be happy for the person or at least get caught up in their excitement (or sadness whichever the case may be at the time).

I love talking about Liz, and remembering her and trying to bring her light into other people's lives. I'll always be striving to become as beautiful of a person as she was, and continues to be, with her amazing spirit. Apparently I need to be trying harder though.

Liz - yet another vodka/7 toast to you - vodka/7 with double lime....always double lime.

Sometimes it's very sad when life imitates art, especially if you consider Mike Judge movies to be art

By now I would assume that practically everyone on the planet is familiar with that classic office-life move “Office Space” If not, then get thee to a video rental store. Stat! You simply cannot continue kiving without seeing this movie. Cannot. Don’t worry I’ll be here when you get back.

For everyone else…we all remember early on when our “hero” is badgered countless times regarding those damn TPS reports. If nothing similar has ever happened to you – then you are very very lucky.

I am not.

So the other day I go to set up an online product for a customer at El Banco. The next day I get one e-mail from someone named “Arlene” to myself and CC’d to someone named “Jackie”, stating that this customer also needs a personal profile set up in our system. Ok. No big deal. This was at 11:29am.

At 12:56pm the same day, I get yet another e-mail from someone named “Claudia” to myself and CC’d to my manager. This e-mail contains the verbiage from the first e-mail as well as a big long explanation about signing myself up for additional training on the matter.

About an hour after the second e-mail my manager pops in and asks me if I’ve seen the second e-mail. Then she explains what I need to do.

Yes, thank you – I’m pretty sure it’s under control at this point. Also? I need to know about everything from how to reverse a NSF fee to the tax ramifications involved in early IRA withdrawal. Excuse me if I cannot remember every little iota of information regarding everything in between.

I wonder what happens when the people at the top screw up? Who are they getting an initial e-mail from, and then a follow up e-mail, and then a personal visit reminder, from? I think in that situation the senario should reverse its self and those of us on the bottom layer of the totem pole should be sending those out.