Money CAN buy happiness - and it's only $54.33

I know this because I bought happiness last night. And it was AMAZING!

What's great is it's something EVERYONE has access to and can buy.

You probably wanna know now huh?

Ok - I'll tell you.

Salon Products!

More specifically my special blend of two shampoos and one conditioner that makes my hair manageable in even the crappiest water supply.

Shortly after we moved to the new house I completely ran out of all my super awesome, cannot live without, Aveda products. Well at least my shampoos and conditioner. I convinced myself that I could go without. Especially since it's extremely hard to justify spending $54 on shampoo when you don't even have food in your refrigerator.

Until it started to get more fall-like outside and less humid it didn't bother me too horribly much since my summer 'do is to just go aux natural and throw my hair up with a series of clips and spray gel. DONE!

Now that I have the option to wear my hair down without looking like I was in a serious fight with my hair dryer it was impossible to ignore the EXTREME buildup that the hard water was causing. I mean for reals yo! I attempted this yesterday pre buying my beloved products and - just gross. You could even see a layer of "coating" on my brush bristles. Barf.

Today though? BLISS! It may sound vain, but in these tough economic times if I can make myself happier for $54.33 then so be it. There's even still food in the 'fridge! Win-win.

My birthday is my curse

So you know how you get super excited for your birthday? And you try and casually mention it to people like a few weeks before in hopes that they'll remember and send you a text or e-mail or something fun on the actual day?

Awesome, right??

Well that sort of stuff happens to me too, but it always, always has to be accompanied by something really horrible too.

Why is this?

I've tried to thinking back to when this started. I can't really seem to pin point it though. So every year, I get all psyched up and excited. I mark my calendar. I mark my friends' calenders. I date drop in conversation. It's fun! Then I remember THE CURSE and I get a little freaked.

It started out with small stuff - like it being 105 degrees out (No Kidding! Remember? Back in the day? When summers used to be hot? Yeah..) and my cakes would melt. So there are all these pictures of me sitting in front of lopsided birthday cakes.

Now, here we are 28 years later (I'm not ashamed!) and THE CURSE continues! This year it's boyfriend troubles. Big ones apparently. **Sigh**

I'm trying to focus on all the good! There was lots of it!! That's the kind of stuff that keeps me going...thank God! Seriously - if you are reading this and you helped me celebrate even in a small way - you have no idea how much that helped me get through my day. Thank You!!

So here I am, another year older, another curse behind me (sort of). I was hoping for a less dramatic start to my 28th year, but I guess we can't have it all.

And if you don't think the little things are the ones that count - you don't have birthday's like mine.

I guess August forgot to take its Prozac...or something

Nothing fun has happened lately.

Nothing.

Ok - well that's not entirely true. I made the Boyfriend go to a chi chi sushi restaurant with me on Saturday. That was fun.

Nothing else though.

I'm not sure what's wrong entirely. Apparently I'm not the only one. I'm ok with that as long as September and October get their shit together and shape up.

I think it started when I accidentally read something that was never probably intentioned for me. I didn't do it on purpose and I wasn't snooping, but now I wish I could take back what I saw. Just simply erase that tiny brain cell holding that information.

It's slowly destroying me.

I'm trying to act normal, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. The Boyfriend is too perceptive of me. Damn it.

I'm also...just...tired.

I probably shouldn't be. I mean I just had two weeks of vacation. Suck it up buttercup! Right?

It's hard when you have to go back to your crappy job and all the...well...crap that you got to so briefly leave behind. Just for a little bit.

I came back and there it all was: the lawn that needed to be mowed, the weeds that needed to be pulled, the carpet that needs to be cleaned, all the extra stuff that just needs to get out of our house! Then there were the bills I can't pay, the two jobs that think I suck....

So when the Boyfriend went out for awhile on Friday night I should have been excited to get some menial stuff done. Poke around on the computer. Post those pictures I keep referencing but never do anything about.

So I showered and then realized I was so very hungry. I fixed some grub and then sat down. Then it was over.

Now the computer is so very far away! I mean all the way upstairs! Not to mention I was broken because of kickboxing.

Then the sitting/eating combo made me so very tired!

Next thing you know, the laundry is still sitting in the baskets, the dishes still need to be done, the scary place under the stairs is still crowded with all the crap we don't know what to do with, and all I can think about is how badly I just want to go to bed.

So here we are - another depressing post. Maybe you've all just ceased reading it at this point? Come back! I promise I'll be fixed very, very soon!

Until then - please to enjoy this litany of HILARITY I have assembled for you:

Those crazy kids

Now you can read OTHER PEOPLE'S drunken texts, FANTASTIC!

I'm not 100% sure what this is but I think I like it

The lighter side of "parenting"

Something I'm sure every mother in the world already knows but since I'm not really a mom I have a learning curve

For a long time I’ve always said that I’ll have kids when I can grow them in a tube and pick ‘em up when they’re hot and toasty and ready to come home. That way – no pain and no pregnancy gain. Everyone wins. Mostly me. But that’s really who counts the most anyway.

I’ve also said that were I to date someone with kids (and…here I am…doing just that) that it would be totally cool since then I don’t have to do the work myself – well the work of actually spewing them from my own loins.

See – I’m fairly certain I would hold a massive grudge against them for ruining my already not-as-perfect-as-it-could-be-damn-you-mountain-dew-addiction body. I don’t need any help not going to the gym and drinking too much soda. Also? I worked retail for a number of years and I just know I’d totally be one of those moms in there sobbing by the jeans and dreaming of when they were a size 2 and now they are a size 8 and omg NEVER HAVE KIDS THEY WILL RUIN YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME??

Guess what? Even when the children are not exactly yours – you can still blame them for gaining weight or not having enough time to get to the gym. I, personally, would do both, because that’s what kids are for: to do the stuff you don’t want to do around the house and take the blame for everything else. Neat, huh?

Due to my totally awesome work schedules (oh yes, that’s plural), one of them ironically at the gym, it leaves me with about two to three days of the week that I can work out. Sure, this sounds like enough time, until you factor in having a child 2-3 days of the week, on the exact same days that I am either not working both jobs, or am not working late at the first one.

Really what this boils down to is not having time to make it to any of the group exercise classes that typically start at either 5:40pm on weekdays and 5:15pm on Fridays, and then Saturday and Sunday mornings. I can do self-directed exercise, I have for years. However, to see actual results,I need someone up on a raised platform that looks like Bootcamp Barbie, yelling at me to feel the burn. Otherwise, two bicep curls with a five pound weight and I'm throwing in the towel.

What this usually means is that if the Daughter wants to play Frisbee like a mental patient, which is pretty much just throwing it around the yard randomly and then running to go get it and doing it all over again, count me in! You want someone to run around the park with you like a monkey on hot sand? I’m your gal. Don’t mind me if it sounds like I’m counting to myself, I’m just adding up all the calories I’m potentially burning.

So in the spirit of complete laziness I'm phoning it in at part 3 of ?

Yeah so I'm totally over this post. I guess I was assuming that nothing more interesting would happen in the next couple weeks. Blthhhhh!!! Apparently I forgot who I was there for a minute! Silly me.

To give a really quick summary since otherwise I'd be leaving you (assuming anyone is even reading this anymore) right smack dab in the middle of a sentence. So ok - please keep in mind I suck at summaries, because clearly I've very long winded, that or I just don't know how to segue properly into a new paragraph because hey look! I'm STILL talking. Ok ok, here we go:

Came back from Tennessee to find out my Uncle's party was canceled because he was in poor health.

Head up to the big D.C. on Saturday with the Boyfriend and am informed that he passed away the day before. Much crying ensues.

Stay the night and head back on Sunday.

Spend Monday crying and trying to find people to switch shifts with for job #2. Yes that's right I said switch shifts not "to work them for me" so I end up working Monday night. Awesome.

Go back up on Tuesday with the Boyfriend, where we proceed to spend an insane amount of money since I really enjoy showing people around one of my favortist places. No regrets though because really? When will we be able to do that again? Most likely not anytime in the near future.

The visitation and funeral were really nice. Since my Uncle was an extremely good baseball player we all signed baseballs to put in the casket.

Came back late Thursday.

Then it was back to the real world - which not only sucks, but made me realize I just don't like this whole "working" thing. I mean I think I'd be willing to work some sort of part time job, but I'm so over a 40 hour job plus another 15 at my part time job on top of it.

Plus? I just look better when I get more sleep - OBVIOUSLY so I mean really I'm only thinking about you and when you have to look at me. So see how unselfish I am? I would totally not work to look good for you.

I know! And you're welcome

An informational and unathorized study in summer traffic patterns. Yeah it's pretty much as riveting as it sounds

I'm going to just say right off the bat here, that if you are from Illinois or Minnesota, or you know someone there, or you just feel really friendly about either state and their respective drivers, then you might want to just stop reading now. Or, actually keep reading and maybe take some notes, because you might learn something. Or, you might send me hate mail. Either way. I just thought you should know.

That said.....I do a lot of driving, especially since all of my doctors are in a city 30-40 minutes away. I spend a lot of time on the interstate. I wish this wasn't the case. This is why: Wisconsin is too damn close to Illinois and Minnesota (see headlines over the winter declaring it Minniconsin - I don't think so).

Typcially, this doesn't bother me - especially when I decide I want to go to Chicago or the Mall of America (because what's better at M of A then no sales taxes on clothes!) Then summer and the traveling season rolls around again, and I get all stabby at the thought of having to drive with those people.

I personally feel like there should be a toll for entering Wisconsin, but only if you are from Illinois. And in the travelin' season - Minnesota. I'm not 100% sure what exactly happens once the border is crossed, but obviously it's no good. No good AT ALL.

It's much like the phenomenon that occurs in Door County where, apparently, all tourists must check their brains once they cross the bridge in Sturgeon Bay. You can pick 'em up on the way out, but, my understanding is, once you cross that bridge you basically lose your mind. Litterally.
Back on task here - **ahem** there are two ways that people from Illinois drive. One way I can deal with because it pretty much mirrors the way I drive. The other is just plain insane.

Method 1: Just drive really fast at all costs. Yeah you'll probably end up riding someone for a bit until you can finally manage to pass them, or, they get the hit and get out of the way. I pretty much drive like this most of the time so I can respect this method. I suspect that these drivers are from the Chicago area. Or former Milwaukee dwellers, because this is also how everyone on the expressway drives.

Method 2: Basically this methody entails driving like the biggest asshat KNOWN TO MANKIND. You pretty much just work really hard at making my blood pressure just completely skyrocket which is fairly hard because I have really really low blood pressure. So good job. This is what it looks like:

Step one: Get in the left lane and act like you are going to pass everyone in the right lane
like you should be doing

Step two: Come up along a semi. This is probably why you got in the left lane in the first
place.

Step three: Once you are along side the semi - rather than speeding up, or at least staying
above 70, slow waaaay down. Like to 65 or slower. Do this completely inexplicibly. It works
best if you not even behind anyone because then you just deepen the mystery. I'm not sure
what you're doing during this time. Examining the possible "art" on the semi bed? Admiring
the mud flaps? Day dreaming about life on the open road??

Step four: Feel pretty smug knowing that you have now just completely enraged the 20 or
so cars that have built up behind you in the meantime. Hahaha - yes, you are king of the
assholes now!

Step five: Once you have finally passed the semi, put on your turn singal indicating that you
now intend to move to the right lane - finally. Do you hear the sound of cheers behind you?

Step six: Leisurely change lanes while the first car behind you practically runs you off the
road because they are so glad you are mercifully getting out of the way.

Step seven: Now that you are in the right lane, and are sure that the car trying to pass you
for the last eternity is going to now try and blow by you at the speed of light they are so mad,
you must speed up to that same speed. More points if you go so fast that you know they
won't make an attempt to keep up.

Bonus step!: If you do this correctly, you can keep passing the car now desperate to pass
YOU, in the right lane because, you know that unlike youself they probably aren't going to go
100 miles an hour(!!) just to play your game. So, the bonus is that pretty soon you are going to
come up on either a semi or much slower moving car in the right lane, so off you go to the left
once again and can now start the entire process over!

Such FUN!!

Minnesota pretty much employs the same driving style as method 2, but are typically less dedicated so they'll piss you off for awhile for sure, but probably not as long. Which is slightly better.

So - as the gas prices rise this tourist season, so may your blood pressure. Enjoy the ride!