I need better stories about where our stuff came from, and then new friends who will believe those stories

This weekend we had a little Father’s Day cookout at the new house. I was in the kitchen with the boyfriend’s sister, B, when the following conversation took place:

Setting: My kitchen

Conversation Reference: Large, worn gold plate with Aztec stampings. It lives on a plate stand above the kitchen cabinets and we have it under lit with white rope lights.

B: That’s cool, where did you guys get that?

What pretty much anyone else would have said:
“Oh that! We picked that up on our last jaunt to France. We were biking through the South and we saw the most adorable, old, blind, crippled, man who was selling these plates. He does it all by hand, by feel, in this dilapitaed old shed. He does all this to raise money to get his only daughter a new kidney. Just amazing. How could we not buy it?”

What actually happened:
“Oh that! Last year at Halloween it was out in the foyer at Goodwill as part of this Egyption-Halloween display. I mean I know it’s not Egyption or whatever, but the boyfriend asked if it was for sale and it was so we bought it!”

Other objects above the kitchen cabinets and their stories:

Red/Orange/Yellow Plate in stand under lit with white Christmas lights:
Pier one; However! This was bought to replace a plate that was broken by my rampaging cats and THAT plate had a cool story. I mean not as cool as the blind, old, crippled guy raising money for a kidney, but cooler then “It came from Pier One”

Cake Stand with cover made to look like 4-layer strawberry cake with Cool Whip:
My grandma in Tennessee made it and promised it to me when I was very very young.

Strawberry patterned plate in stand:
I thought it was a cool piece of old china, because the pattern is actually very retro looking. I got it at Goodwill. When I got it home I was cleaning it up and noticed on the back it said “Dishwasher Safe”…it might as well be a piece of Corningware.

Maybe I’ll just start telling people I made all this stuff and it’s for sale to benefit me! I’d still probably need new friends though…like the kind with lots of money to buy my stuff that they actually thought I made. In my shed! In the dark! Amazing!