Once, long ago, my emotions were in check. There was a time, long ago, when I couldn't recall the last time I had cried. Could probably count on one hand the amount of times I cried in an entire year.
Then, Lord only knows what happened. Apparently someone took the cork out of the bucket.
Now, I'm as likely to cry about a schizophrenic homeless man getting a cello from Robert Downy Jr. as I am to go through a box of Kleenex watching the evil Sara McLaughlin homeless pet commercials.
It's not so much that I mind that I've become more prone to cry at movies and long distance commericals now, but I do mind it at other times.
For instance, they tell you never to let your boss see you cry, or, if you really do need to cry at work you should excuse yourself for a minute, get it together and get on with your day. That would be a gigantic FAIL for me. Upon being told my sales aren't up to par, I had a melt down in my bosses office in front of HR. Yet, two and a half years ago when, at a different job, my boss returned from being gone all day, and promptly told me I was being let go effective immediately I sucked it in, looked her straight in the eye and said, simply, "Ok." When she asked me if I had any questions, I held my gaze and asked her "Why?". Then I found a box, packed up my stuff, got in my car, and THEN had a breakdown.
What happened to that person? Where's that internal stop that said "Hey! Buck up little camper! Get through this and THEN you can cry all you want in PRIVATE."
It would be an especially helpful thing considering the soap opera of a life I have. I'd love nothing more then to get in a fight with the Boyfriend, such as we recently did, and just get all quiet, then walk up to him real close, look him right in the eye and say, very quietly, "I think you know what you should do." and then just walk away. How fantastic? Let HIM sweat it out.
Instead there's crying (me), yelling (me), begging (me), pleading (me), complete inappropriateness (him), threats (him), yelling some more (me)...anyway it's quite messy. Then two or three days later it's cleared up.
Or in a business setting - such as the one where my route was to have a crying jag. Just sit there, unflinching, and when everyone is done saying their piece and expressing just how much I, apparently, suck at my job if you are simply basing it on sales report numbers in a slow economy, I just sit back and say "Is that all?" Nods all around perhaps, and I say "Alright then, I have some business to attend to, so if you're done wasting my time?..." and they say "Of course!" and apologize to me for further hindering my ability to service my customers since they had me sequestered in an office.
Maybe if I had a gene I'd ask for that ability. Then they'd be so confused when I wished for that that they'd just give it to me with none of those tricky gene caveat's because nobody would have ever asked for that before and it's not only completely unselfish but would benefit everyone in the long run.
You're welcome. From me AND my gene.