When does it really start being you?

I've been contemplating this for awhile now - and I'm going to make every attempt not to make this a bitter, angry, rant. I said I wouldn't do that anymore and I want it to stay that way. That said, a person can only take so much nonsense until they just either 1) give up 2) break completely.

I'd personally rather not be in either camp - I think I'm better than that, however, it's hard when judgements against you are so personal.

I've held a lot of jobs. It's not because I'm someone who can't hold a job, or gets bored and leaves. It's generally a matter of circumstance: company changed management and therefore ideals and company structure, it was only temporary to begin with (see: internships, seasonal - summer work), I moved, I moved again, company was bought out.

Then this started to happen:
bar tending - mismanagement led to frustration, led to anger about job, led to me leaving

el banko - management ceased allowing me to make decisions about my career, led to frustration, led to anger, led to being stuck in a position I didn't want, led to endless talks about under performing - led to more frustration - led to me leaving.

Now this.

Sure it's only a part time gig - but sometimes those part time gigs are what allows you to buy that pint of Ben and Jerry's you could otherwise afford. Or what lets you take your puppy to the vet that you otherwise couldn't do. Sometimes a part time job is a very big deal when considering your check book.

But when do you throw in the towel? When has it become more YOU and less THEM? How do you know the difference?

A few weeks ago I was told some pretty horrific things by my manager. It was completely inappropriate and extremely unprofessional. Was it true? I don't know. I felt completely betrayed, confused and hurt. I essentially went through all the symptoms of loss. I was given a week to think about it.

Upon my return it felt like going into battle. Who was against me? How would I know? What was true and who could I trust? I had, and still have, apparently, no idea. I did, I thought, at least make an effort to keep certain attitudes in check, continue to be friendly with co-workers and members, and generally do my job and keep my mouth shut.

Still not good enough - once again I found myself in an office - door closed - face to face with my manager. Was it handled better? Sure... but there were the accusations again. Nothing had improved. Nobody wants to work with me and if they weren't telling me before it's because they are "chicken shit". I'm on a tight leash and one misstep would be my complete down fall. "It's only a matter of time."

So I'm being set up to fail? No...

How is that not being set up to fail? Waiting for someone to make their next "mistake"? How is it not expecting complete and total failure when it's your word (which at this point might as well be coming from that guy sentenced to prison for crimes against humanity) against all these mysterious people who want to bring you down?

When did what I have to say stop mattering and more importantly why?

"You've changed, you're not the same person you were a year ago." "You aren't the person we hired" "Maybe you're just a harder person now"

I don't think any of this validates what are apparently, non-stop co-worker complaints. Who are these people that have so much time on their hands that they can sit down with the manager of their part-time job and complain about someone they work with for 2-3 hours at a time? Do I have people I could complain about? Sure. I don't have that kind of time, nor do I care.

I've never been in the interest of gunning for someone to be fired. Clearly some people are.

But now, after three jobs of complete frustration and road-blocks, do I just accept that it IS me after all? Or do I chalk it up to bad situations, bad decisions, bad times, and put it all behind me?

It's easy to start being paranoid when nothing you've done for the last two years has been good enough. How is that even possible? How have I spent my whole life to this point striving to succeed, and doing just that, to just...not. How have I taken an active interest in helping others succeed only to have the "others" allegedly turn on me?

Nothing is making sense.

Perhaps it's time to cut my losses and move on - completely close that chapter in my life and just breath that sign of relief and terror. Relief that it's finally over...and terror that's IT'S OVER.

I'm not a quitter - and it takes a LOT to drive me to that decision. Usually it's because I'm determined to prove everyone wrong. There are no easy answers, and there probably will never be an ideal time to make that decision. Those things rarely align.

I think ultimately, once those people have made up their minds to bring you down, no matter how strong you are, and no matter how hard you fight against it, sometimes it's not enough. Is it right? No. Is it moral? No. How do you know when enough is enough? When do you chalk all this up to coincidence and a bad two year span, write the final chapter and call it a day?

Maybe Rabbi's just don't know how to love

We all know that the next holiday which Hallmark has approve of us to celebrate is Valentine's Day. Since today is Friday the 12th, you will most likely be wishing people a very happy Valentine's Weekend.

Or so you thought...

In my current job I have almost daily contact with a Rabbi in New York and today was no exception. I had sent him a request in an e-mail, to which he proptly replied. However his closing kind of threw me for a loop:

"Have a Good Presidents' Day Weekend"

Uh....Well I guess I can have a good of those as well. Seeing as I don't really have a sweetheart this year, then I guess I'll go ahead and take my Presidents' Day Weekend and run with it!

I'm BAAAAA-AACK and about to regale you with more stories from the WC. You're welcome.

So I pop into the bathroom at work and the first stall I try - the toilet is filled with pee and toilet paper. Which…gross. Especially at work. So I move on to the next one since It’s not my job to flush after you. But I’m sitting there and I get to thinking – how, exactly, does that even HAPPEN? I mean, were you peeing and then suddenly you were all “I’m supposed to be in a meeting!” and you just wipe and run? Did you simply forget that you had just peed, yet remembered to wipe? I just don’t understand this – it blew my mind.

THEN…

I’m still sitting there and someone else walks in and goes directly to the pee toilet. I assumed this person would turn and walk away, like I had, and choose another stall – there were three more open after all. But no. She enters. So ok – and this point I’m thinking she’s clearly a better person than I am (or just willing to put up with more gross co-workers). I’m assuming, however, that she will flush first, since….gross. I mean just…imagine. But…once again….nooo. She does her business, flushes…and goes to wash her hands.

So at this point – I’m thinking maybe it was already her pee, like maybe she came in the first time, does her thing, remembers this random meeting, or call, or whatever….wipes and runs planning, the entire time, to come back later and finish and flush.

Or maybe …. I’ve spent too much time contemplating this whole situation and should seek professional help. And apparently so should Ms. Multi-pee. You know, if you're asking me.

Taking Risks: Not really what I'm about but I did it anyway

I quit my job yesterday.

Today is my last day.

I have a fabulous new job lined up too!

I will be slightly benefit less and working with slightly less pay for awhile.

And I'm ridiculously excited!

I think about my new job, about which I really know practically nothing and I literally squeal out loud with excitement. The Boyfriend just looks at me and smiles. He asks "What?" but he already knows. I haven't been this excited about a job in years.

One of the nicest parts is they want me. I chose them (I've been working on this for two YEARS)and now, finally, mercifully they've chosen me too. They weren't forced to hire me because I was working for a company they owned, they weren't coerced into giving me a position because they were shifting some other people around and it didn't occur by happenstance because someone else quit.

They actually want me to work there and be part of their company.

I'm sure to a lot of people this sounds completely insane and you're saying "What do you mean no benefits?" "What do you mean less pay?? In this economy? Are you INSANE?" Maybe. But I don't think it's any less insane to stay at a job that feels like it's killing my soul each and every day.

I'm tired of being at a company that repeatedly tries to cast me aside. I'm tired of being the misfit from "that other company we used to own." I'm tired of ending up in positions either because it's benefiting someone else or because they have no reason to fire me so they just stick me wherever they can.

Besides - the benefits and the pay - it'll come. Sometimes you need to start on the bottom again so you can work your way back up. And that's okay. Goals are good! I mean look what happens when you don't give up.

Today is bitter sweet. I'll miss a lot of my co-workers. But I'll see them again. I still have to bank somewhere. For now, I'll let someone else worry about meeting goals, and looking good on paper. Dominating the reports and squashing anyone who gets in their way. I'll let them pick someone they want and meanwhile, I'm going to go where I'm wanted.

This is the most unmotivating incentive you could possibly give me, even a poke in the eye with a sharp stick would be better

I hate football.

I hate it.

I hate it with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.

My hate for football is limitless.

I've written many a post on just how much I loath this sport.

Where am I going with this....

Well, as you probably are well aware my un-fellow football lovers, the current football season is getting underway. Never mind that baseball hasn't even had a chance to finish. Leave it to football to stomp in all drunken and dizzy from one too many hits upside the head and completely take over. Awesome.

In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if during a baseball game a confused football team ran on the field and just started going at it...eh...that might be kind of funny for a minute actually...hum...but I digress.

My hate for all things football being so incredibly strong, it would seem fairly obvious that the one thing that would certainly not motivate me in any way, shape, or form, would be a football-related contest.

cue *heavy sigh*

Also cue *Megan talking about work...AGAIN*

Currently, El Banco, would like for us to get as many mortgage referrals to our mortgage lenders as possible. And why not? I mean first time home buyers could qualify for an $8,000 tax credit! Home prices are at fire-sale lows!

We already have a contest going and I'm fine with it - it's pretty motivating. Could result in fabulous prizes. I'm good to go. Consider me properly motivated.

Then, this just showed up in my e-mail inbox:

"Look in the back at our 'Packer Mortgage Referral Contest'. I would like to see every one of our [-----] Team receive a 'Touchdown'!!!
As a bonus: The first person who gets a qualified referral to [our mortgage lender] will get a Packer Shirt!
GO PACK...er...[-----] TEAM GO!"

I wish I was kidding.

How many more months of this??

What?? HOW LONG??

Someone hand me a rusty fork....**sigh**

You got me feeling emotions

Once, long ago, my emotions were in check. There was a time, long ago, when I couldn't recall the last time I had cried. Could probably count on one hand the amount of times I cried in an entire year.

Then, Lord only knows what happened. Apparently someone took the cork out of the bucket.

Now, I'm as likely to cry about a schizophrenic homeless man getting a cello from Robert Downy Jr. as I am to go through a box of Kleenex watching the evil Sara McLaughlin homeless pet commercials.

What happened?

It's not so much that I mind that I've become more prone to cry at movies and long distance commericals now, but I do mind it at other times.

For instance, they tell you never to let your boss see you cry, or, if you really do need to cry at work you should excuse yourself for a minute, get it together and get on with your day. That would be a gigantic FAIL for me. Upon being told my sales aren't up to par, I had a melt down in my bosses office in front of HR. Yet, two and a half years ago when, at a different job, my boss returned from being gone all day, and promptly told me I was being let go effective immediately I sucked it in, looked her straight in the eye and said, simply, "Ok." When she asked me if I had any questions, I held my gaze and asked her "Why?". Then I found a box, packed up my stuff, got in my car, and THEN had a breakdown.

What happened to that person? Where's that internal stop that said "Hey! Buck up little camper! Get through this and THEN you can cry all you want in PRIVATE."

It would be an especially helpful thing considering the soap opera of a life I have. I'd love nothing more then to get in a fight with the Boyfriend, such as we recently did, and just get all quiet, then walk up to him real close, look him right in the eye and say, very quietly, "I think you know what you should do." and then just walk away. How fantastic? Let HIM sweat it out.

Instead there's crying (me), yelling (me), begging (me), pleading (me), complete inappropriateness (him), threats (him), yelling some more (me)...anyway it's quite messy. Then two or three days later it's cleared up.

Or in a business setting - such as the one where my route was to have a crying jag. Just sit there, unflinching, and when everyone is done saying their piece and expressing just how much I, apparently, suck at my job if you are simply basing it on sales report numbers in a slow economy, I just sit back and say "Is that all?" Nods all around perhaps, and I say "Alright then, I have some business to attend to, so if you're done wasting my time?..." and they say "Of course!" and apologize to me for further hindering my ability to service my customers since they had me sequestered in an office.

Maybe if I had a gene I'd ask for that ability. Then they'd be so confused when I wished for that that they'd just give it to me with none of those tricky gene caveat's because nobody would have ever asked for that before and it's not only completely unselfish but would benefit everyone in the long run.

You're welcome. From me AND my gene.

Warning! Here I go blogging about work yet again

I've been working since I was 15 years old. Actually, I was probably a bit younger. The point is, that at 27 years old, I've been working almost half of my life already.

That is nuts.

Since I started college in January of 2000, I've been working at least 2 jobs, at one point three.

That is also nuts.

Between all those jobs, I've probably worked at least 6-7 days a week and up to, and sometimes, more than, 14 hours a day.

I don't know what the math on all this is - quite frankly I don't think I want to know least I fling myself in front of oncoming traffic. What it means, though, is, when you take into account the additional jobs, the extra hours, the 6-7 days a week of work - I've probably been working as long as I've been alive.

You know, based on hours.

Yikes.

If I'm a little burned out at this point, who can blame me?

Oh - that's right. My current job.

I find this very disturbing.

I mean ok - I'm starting to get a touch worried, because obviously my frustrations at my two jobs, usual separate issues, are starting to more than, apparently, effect my work performance.

Up until I started working at El Banco, I never had any sorts of "performance issues".

Ever.

I'm not just trying to talk myself up here either. I literally mean this. The only other time a boss said to me that is seemed like I didn't want to be there was when I didn't want to be there. I was completely aware of this though.

I figured I was doing a pretty good job of adjusting.

I wasn't aware of any blatant issues.

That's when they pulled out the reports. You know, because the numbers never lie! Dang it.

Ah, yes. The numbers.

This would be where we take a RADICAL departure from any of the jobs I've had ever before.

I've never had to compete with the numbers. It was always just be doing my job. Now there are rankings, and percentages, and goals, and numbers.

This pretty much holds true for both jobs.

I'm held accountable for attain ting all these...numbers.

There are other things too: Why don't customers come in just to see you? Why aren't you shaking the hand of every Tom, Dick, and Harry to enter the joint? Why aren't you on the Valium we freely give out to keep our employees at the super extreme high we require?? Above all - have you seen these NUMBERS??
(P.S. I'm totally kidding about the Valium, but they might want to consider it. That's the only way I'll every be Miss Mary Sunshine Every. Single. Damn. Day.)

I'll admit - I'm a bit alarmed that within the span of a week both my jobs have brought my attitude into this. It's never been an issue before. While clearly I need to be keeping that in check, I think it says a lot too.

It says "I'm sick of working! I'm sick of having not only just regular job stress but the stress of meeting all these....NUMBERS!"

I went to college. I blasted through that joint in 4.5 years with a Major and a double Minor. I was BUSY! I know shit. But here's the thing...

I'd still rather just be managing an office. I'd rather be ordering office supplies and getting the CEO coffee. I like being helpful. I enjoy making other people's lives easier. I'm a damn good assistant.

Yet society expects MORE.

Apparently I just don't have that to give. Well - apparently, I should say OBVIOUSLY.

Right now I don't have any answers. I don't know where to go from here. I mean how do you suddenly start walking into the place that just berated you for your ENTIRE JOB PERFORMANCE farting fairy dust and rainbows?

I'm just not the bigger person like that. My immediate reaction is to get MORE gloomy and MORE angry and just do LESS of absolutely EVERYTHING they want me to do.

You know, recently, one of my former co-workers sent me a little e-mail showing all the products from "back in the day" when they used to put cocaine and heroin and all that just in like cough syrup. Now, I'm not saying we should all go around using street drugs. Trust me. I'm the VERY LAST person that will condone that. However, I do think we need come up with a product that for now is completely legal and will just kind of float you through your work day. Or better yet - just kind of make you unconscious - like you go to work and you're totally normal, but once you get done you don't remember any of it.

Fantastic!

Until then, I'm going to have to keep playing the game. The game that I can no longer win. Yeah - THAT sounds like fun.

This is probably why gym's shouldn't have TV's

The other day I managed to find a spare hour to hit the gym. While this is completely amazing just by its self, that’s not the story. The story is that I happened to see Donald Trump on one of the TV’s, kickin' it in his boardroom all The Apprentice style. He was with a young man (possibly his son. Does he have a son?) They were the only two people in the room, and were getting up from the table. Cut to a close up on T-Rump’s face. Cut back again to show T- Rump escorting the young man out of the boardroom.

Since I have no idea what was being said, it made me think: Does Donald Trump fire his family?

His kids for instance. Like when they were younger and they got in trouble for breaking curfew or whatever, instead of getting grounded, did T-Rump simply sit them down in a boardroom somewhere and just…fire…them?

Or his wives. Does he actually tell them he wants a divorce or does he also march them into the room, the table still wet from the tears of a firing earlier that day, and say “I’ve been really observing your performance these last few years and I don’t like what I see” and then he goes on to list whatever it is he’s sick of, then maybe he takes her hands and says “Dear, You’re Fired!”

Then she’s confused so she starts crying and T-Rump is all “Hey! There’s no crying in the boardroom, you take this outside missy” So she leaves and maybe gives a little confession in the elevator for T-Rump to watch later, maybe on You Tube, and then he calls his secretary to call maintenance to come wipe up this table for God’s sake, someone could slip and that’s just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

You probably won't find your dead grandma in your wall but if you did it would be better if it was ice cream

This is a real life conversation I had today:

The Setting: My job at El Banco (P.S. So I hear you're not supposed to blog about your work? So I guess sorry if I offend anyone, but you, I work 14 hours a day typically so I don't have too much else to talk about! Plus when you work with the public it's pretty much ceaseless entertainment)

The Background: As a fundraiser for United Way we got a small Culver's ice cream cart, some sprinkles and mini M&M's for toppings. The cart holds two large containers of ice cream, one on the left and right sides plus an additional container under the bucket on the left if you run out of one.

The Culver's guy came in to deliver an extra container and this is the conversation I had with him.

Action!

Me: Oh hey!We were just talking about getting another one of those from you

Culver's Guy: Yeah? Well, here you go.

** I "help" while he pulls out the two existing containers and lifts in the new one in the storage area of the cart **

Me: Oh that's cool, I didn't realize there was space for another one in there. Huh.

Culver's Guy: Yeah it works out pretty well. You never quite know what all in there, kind of like an old house.

Me: Right, like if you remodel and you just never know if you're going to find grandma in the wall

Culver's Guy: **nervous laughter**

Me: You know, except that you would find ice cream instead, which would be better than finding a dead grandma.

Culver's Guy: **more nervous laughter** Yeah, um, ok, so....I'm gonna go.

End

I'm going to go ahead and blame the headache for making me delirious and completely unable to control my motor skills.

Apparently my job hates me and wants me to live in a van down by the river

As of today my job is costing me more money than am making. I'd say I'm not sure how this is happening, but I do know, it's just that I'm completely powerless to stop it. The easy solution here would be to quit...and yet here we are in a recession and with the highest unemployment rates since probably the Depression. So...

I'm not exactly a huge fan of my job. I mostly work here as a result of circumstance. I stay here for that same reason. Not for lack of trying mind you, this is all completely situational. It also means that I have a total lack of control over the things that are imposed on me.

Let's take a little look see back at the beginning:

October 2004: Lose my arts job in the big D to the C; Come back to J-Town and work at Gap over the Holiday Season

February 2005: Finally land a job in Mad-Town. Yay. Completely not arts related but what are you gonna do sometimes?

December 2007: Find out our largest client is being bought out by BoA (EVIl!) and we might lose our jobs. MERRY CHRISTMAS ASSHOLES!

February 2007: Land job with the el banco side of our company, which, obviously, since they said we were guaranteed positions with them if we applied. I'm preeeeety sure HR at el banco was none to pleased with this. Yet, I still had to go through three rounds of interviews.

October 2007: The first of many job decisions is made for me. What's great is that at first it was presented as an "option"...when I wasn't receptive to their "option" it became law. Extreme anger ensues.

Sometime a bit later in 2007: Realize getting paid mileage IS a pretty sweet deal. Yay money!! This feeling will not last.

Beginning of 2008: Told that the company is spending too much money sending me all over the place to work as the floater. (Who's fault is that again?? Not mine! I tried to tell you no...)Told I must start driving the company car. I am issued a company credit card though when I refuse to front the money for gas before getting reimbursed.

March 2008: Learn that I'm not getting the cost of living raise. I'm not getting any raise. Apparently you're not allowed to blow off steam at work...in front of your boss...Am told there will be a review in October at which time I'll most likely get my whopping 5%.

October 2008: No extra review...still no raise

November 2008: This sucks. All that extra money from getting mileage reimbursement is gone. Poof! I am not scrounging up money to pay for car insurance on MY car. A car I'm not even supposed to be driving...well at least to work. Not sure how to bring up that extra review we were supposed to be having.

March 2009: Review time again. it's also right around the same time we started a hiring freeze and announced lay offs. Lucky me I still have a job - but only because the person that was supposed to be at one of the locations quit since they made her mad too. Que: "Just be glad you have a job" refrains...from like....everyone

It's been decided that my current position is being eliminated, and I will fill in the spot currently open from where the other person quit. Awesome. Thanks for asking me what I wanted. Oh right, I don't get to make those kinds of decisions about my own career like...ever.

By the way? We're also taking back the company car and credit card...even though we know you really wanted to work where you are actually living and now will have a 20 minute daily commute that you need to front the gas for. All the time. From now until forever.

But! We're giving you your 5% raise and letting you keep a job! You can thank us later. We know...we're giving like that.

June 2009, Today : Coming up with gas money is increasingly hard. I haven't been able to completely fill my tank in months. Most of the bills are going unpaid and to add insult to injury, I've been appointed to (read: commanded to)be the spokes person for a "business success" group for our location. The group is based out of a city almost 2 hours away. The meetings are usually in the city which is 2 hours away or sometimes in one 45 minutes away.

Awesome.

Sure, I will eventually get gas reimbursement, but only after I front my own money for the gas to get there. I'm not sure my company got the memo on this...but gas? It's almost $3/gallon right now. Because it's summer. Because it's prime tourist season.

Later Today: I'm informed that our company has come out with this line (sorry...COLLECTION) of company apparel that is 100% certified organic cotton and that everyone else is buying this nifty green shirts from the "collection". The shirts at $30 a pop. I have to buy three different medications totaling around $30 not to mention buy "special bread" from my stupid autoimmune disease that costs $6/loaf and only lasts a week. In the refrigerator. In an air-tight container.

I'm not sure exactly what the cap is on your company forcing you to spend money, but I'm kind of reaching my limit. I think enough's enough.

Friday Bonus Edition: Awesome Shit I Just Found

It's probably painfully obvious that on Fridays I don't feel so much like working as I do obsessivly cruisin' the 'net. Don't judge me! Besides it's win-win because then I come back here and tell you about it too. Plus I've heard something about procastinating alone being like drinking alone. I don't know if that's true (probably because the bird that keeps knocking its head on my office window told me and even if he doesn't seem all that bright, he's very determined, and dogged persistance must prove something....right??)

Basically since I set foot inside the building today I've been pretty much doing nothing right and at this point I give up. Now we're coming to the part of the day where people are tending to fight with me about nothing, which ,I discussed the other day and I'm totally over that.

Anyway!

I was doing my daily (read: hourly) puruse of my regular blog haunts, and came across this posted on Good Mom/Bad Mom who finds the coolest stuff possibly ever. Seriously. If you did not check out that link (either of them, really) you're missing out. And that's not my fault.

For once.

Honestly though, would you not buy that for your kid? Or your friend's kid? Who doesn't want to be known as the coolest parent/aunt/uncle on the block? Nobody.(You see what I did there? I put the link in twice that's how bad I want you to go look at "it. Look! There it is again. Will you just click on it already??)

One of the other sites I read is PostSecret. This site only posts on Sundays. And they don't archieve. So bascially if you miss a week, you miss a week. Tough titties.

Well, unless you're me and you decide to google it juuuussst to make sure and then you find one of the most hilarious sites that you've seen in a long time.

If you don't know how PostSecret works, here is the explaination directly from their site:

"PostSecret is an onging community art project where people mail in their secrets annonymously on one side of a postcard."

They even have a multitude of books which I would purchase were I not so poor and they didn't cost, in some cases, over $20 a pop. Yikes. So anyway...for now I'll stick with reading my Sunday Secrets.

Ok! So this other site is Post-It Secret and according to that site:

"Post-it Secret was an ongoing blog where post-it notes came to confess their dirty and not so dirty secrets!"

Awesome.

I read a few pages of posts, they got a little repetitive after awhile but I still think it's a hilarious rip-off of, or tribuite to, depending on how you look at it, PostSecret.

Where PostSecret is a collection of annoymously sent postcards that people have written secrets on, sent in from all corners of the world. Post-it Secrets are essecntially the dark, secret thoughts of your post-its. Yes. Like those little yellow squares that sit innocently on your desk. They have a whole lot to say and it's not always pretty.

Here are a couple of examples to cut down on the anticipation of it all:

I'm exhausted so I'm waving my white flag, see it? Over there? No?

Seriously? What's going on here lately? By "here" I mean like "in the world" not "here" as in "on this blog". And that? Was a riduclious amount of quotes. Sorry. Where were we? **ahem** Oh yes, so what's going on in the world. Pretty much every time I turn around these last few days someone wants to get into a disagreement.

I'll totally admit that a lot of times I tend to be a weeeeeeee bit combatative. I'm not going to lie. I've never been one to back down from a fight. Most people run in the opposite direction of confrontation, but me? I run straight towards it.

However, I also know how to pick my battles.

Yet, they seem to keep picking me the last few days. What's up??

Go to job #2 and it's all:
"Everyone just keeps complaining all the time!" - Mngr

"Uh, well this is true but usually people also try and offer a solution..." - Me

"Complaints!! All the time!! We need solutions!" - Mngr

"I was trying to give you..." - Me

"I'm so sick of all these complaints!" - Mngr

and so on...

Go to my actual J-O-B and it's:
"The reports don't lie!! I don't care what you say!" - CSM Mngr

"Ok - well that's fine, but I know what I did and..." - Me

"The reports. Don't. Lie!" - CSM Mngr

"I get what you're saying, but I'm telling you what I know I did and..." - Me

"Well I just don't see it because the reports..." - CSM Mngr

"Ok whatever I'll just run it again and we'll be done with it" - Me

"No! We need to figure this out!!" - CSM Mngr

"I agree, but I mean I know what I know and if you just are going off the reports and the reports apprently don't show it then..." - Me

"The reports are God's truth!!!!!" - CSM Mngr

"Really, I can just run it again and we can stop..." - Me

and so on....for 20 minutes...with me ultimately just running the report again like I suggested in the first place

Go back to job #2:
Picking up right where we left off the first time...
"I think I finally see what you're saying." - Mngr

"Good! I just think the way you want this presented is confusing, for everyone." - Me

"Well I know what you think but we want it this other way. " - Mngr

"Ok...and that' fine, do what you want, I'm just trying to understand the logic behind it." - Me

"The logic is that's the way we're doing it. That's just the way it is" - Mngr

"That's fine, I just find it confusing for the customers. You said we were simplifying things and yet here they are getting all complicated again." - Me

"I'm telling you - this is just the way it is" - Mngr

"Ok...that's fine.." - Me

"I mean you can take this up with the owner." - Mngr

"That's not what I'm getting at I'm just trying to understand..." - Me

"This is just the way it is!!" - Mngr

and so on.

Why everyone is so fiesty right now is beyond me. That or the moral of the story is to just not try and understand things anymore and shut up about reports and fix them yourself. Clearly talking gets you nowhere except exhausted

I'm going to bed!

Thursday Potluck: More on "the move", why I'm a bad person, and internet *pOrn* gone wrong

I was just re-reading some of my more recent posts - and woah there! How depressing have I been? Sometimes that just happens. So today I'm going to try very hard to be more charming and less "stand back at least 5 feet to avoid losing a limb".

The ongoing moving saga: Happily things are looking up! Lately I've been the one out running around while the boyfriend has been at home unpacking and hanging up pictures. It's so great to come home and see progress being made I cannot even tell you. Granted - most of them were his boxes to unpack anyway, but it's just good to see some of them being emptied! Sweet relief.

I do need to note that last night the boyfriend was attempting to prepare dinner and while I was getting ready in the adjacent bathroom I could hear a lot of cupboard door slamming, banging around and swearing. Basically he didn't know where anything was in the kitchen, which he later expressed to me. Do I care that you can't find anything? Not really. It wasn't like I was invisible when I was unpacking the kitchen. At any point I would have been more than willing to have some help or input on where things so go. I told him he was more than welcome to rearrange it, but if he doesn't want to then that's his business.

I was also informed that I have "taken over" the bathroom adjacent to the kitchen. Again - I would refer you to the above kitchen discussion. Also? I'm a girl - it's what happens....I don't know why this is surprising at all.

Anyway - the point is it's all good.

It's so good that last night after I got back from Madison at 11:15pm (more on that in a minute) I even stopped and picked up a pineapple and hot sauce for the boyfriend. Don't ask - it's his favorite snack not mine!

Why I'm a bad person: Well I'm not that bad really. I just feel like it. I always said that it was ridiculous to get rid of a pet. I mean, you knew what you were getting into and your pet becomes a member of your family. I mean if your kids are being destructive and obnoxious you can't just ship them off to a Child Humane Society (although think of the possibilities! Like if there were a place like that, except for leaving them there permanently it was just this place you left for like a few hours to show 'em who's boss. Then maybe you come back later and pick them back up. See if they ever do that again!)

One of my biggest peeves was people getting rid of their pets because of someone else. I just couldn't understand it. Love me love my pets. End of story.

This is why you never say never.

It's not as though the boyfriend didn't like the cats...but he was severely allergic. He did manage to get some pretty good allergy pills, but he was sick of the cat hair, as was I, and, being a bad person I just didn't have the time to brush them or give them regular baths. The cats not the boyfriend.

Additionally, we are living in yet another place that would rather us not have cats. This whole situation works out well for my mom who has always hated that I had cats and my sister who I'm pretty sure was also against it as well. Haters: 3 Me: 0

Happily though, they were taken in last night my one of my very close friends. She's fairly well acquainted with the cats so it was a pretty comfortable transition. Having their own stuff around them like litter box, food bowls and toys probably helped too. I'm sure they are completely stoked that they aren't locked away in one little room a la Anne Frank anymore.

I still feel like a bad person. **sigh**

Which brings us to....

Internet *pOrn* gone wrong: This is pretty amusing actually. I had a customer who we noticed looked like they had some unauthorized transactions. Before the person came in I was doing some research on the purchases and it revealed that they were for different *pOrn* sites.

I was pretty skeeved out. Not because I'm being a prude, but because there were LOTS and LOTS of these charges. LOTS. So...ewwww. Also? How in the world was I going to just casusually ask if they were in the habit of apparently doing nothing but watching Internet *pOrn*?

Later in the day the customer showed up....after a brief discussion it came out that the customer had one time signed up for an "adult entertainment" site (I figured the term "adult entertainment" was more appropriate in a business setting that repeatedly using the term *pOrn*) but had cancelled the membership after a week.

Since then the customer had noticed random transactions occurring on the account yet didn't do anything about them. Interesting. I can guarantee you that if something was randomly pulling $20-$40 from my account multiple times a month I'd have been in long ago.

In fraud cases we can only go back 60 days. This means I could only go back until April. Just in that period of time between April and now there were roughly 40 transactions including international service fees, that added up to about $630. That's only the ones I could count in the case. This did not include anything prior, which, in one case, there was a single charge for almost $100.

Your Thursday Learning Moment is: 1) Never use your credit card or debit card on unsecured sites online (like *pOrn* you pervs!) b) If you notice weird charges on your account I'd go to the bank ASAP III) I'm not sure why anyone is paying for Internet *pOrn* when I'm sure there's tons for free.

This was brought to you by the letter "C" and number 17

Sometimes it's very sad when life imitates art, especially if you consider Mike Judge movies to be art

By now I would assume that practically everyone on the planet is familiar with that classic office-life move “Office Space” If not, then get thee to a video rental store. Stat! You simply cannot continue kiving without seeing this movie. Cannot. Don’t worry I’ll be here when you get back.

For everyone else…we all remember early on when our “hero” is badgered countless times regarding those damn TPS reports. If nothing similar has ever happened to you – then you are very very lucky.

I am not.

So the other day I go to set up an online product for a customer at El Banco. The next day I get one e-mail from someone named “Arlene” to myself and CC’d to someone named “Jackie”, stating that this customer also needs a personal profile set up in our system. Ok. No big deal. This was at 11:29am.

At 12:56pm the same day, I get yet another e-mail from someone named “Claudia” to myself and CC’d to my manager. This e-mail contains the verbiage from the first e-mail as well as a big long explanation about signing myself up for additional training on the matter.

About an hour after the second e-mail my manager pops in and asks me if I’ve seen the second e-mail. Then she explains what I need to do.

Yes, thank you – I’m pretty sure it’s under control at this point. Also? I need to know about everything from how to reverse a NSF fee to the tax ramifications involved in early IRA withdrawal. Excuse me if I cannot remember every little iota of information regarding everything in between.

I wonder what happens when the people at the top screw up? Who are they getting an initial e-mail from, and then a follow up e-mail, and then a personal visit reminder, from? I think in that situation the senario should reverse its self and those of us on the bottom layer of the totem pole should be sending those out.

Okay universe - you win, now take your ball and go home

I’ve basically been trying to quit my job for the last two years. Yes, that IS a long time for a job search, and the reasons it’s not working are: time, energy, and money.

Time because, well, I have two jobs so up to three times a week I work 14 hour days and when I do have a chance to do something I want to do my first thought isn’t to run and go check the classifieds or update ye olde resume. Also – I usually have an episode or two of “Lost” to catch up on and, obviously, what’s more important, real life or totally fake life? Exactly – tooooottally fake life

Energy is pretty much the same as “Time” see “14 hour days” as a reference.

Money. First there’s the obvious – postage! For awhile I decided I was too poor to continue to buy stamps so I stopped that. Additionally, when I do mail out a resume, I like to put it in an 8 1/2x11 sized envelope that matches my resume paper and is embossed with a little gold phrase “Do not bend” They are very nice and therefore even MORE expensive to send. Plus, this ties in nicely with “Time” because I don’t have the “Time” to go stand in like at the Post Office and once again I refer you back to “14 hour days”

The second caveat to “Money” is fairly unique for the line of work I want to do. Notice there that “want” is stressed. See, I stupidly majored in music. Just music. Didn’t want to teach, didn’t think performing was going to be paying the bills all the time, so…. I was pretty sure I had a plan though! I also – here’s where I figured the Benjamin’s would be rollin’ in – minored in arts management and advertising. See! Back up plan!!! Here’s what else they don’t tell you: 1) For every job you want so do like 500 other music majors and if there are 501 of you out there guaranteed there are only like 200 jobs (maybe. If you’re lucky). 2) Don’t even think you’re just gonna pop open the classifies or fire up your jobs.com and immediately have like 50 positions to apply for. Nope. You get to pay for your job listings! Oh yes folks! Since artists already make so very much money (that whole “starving” artist thing? Just Kidding!!) clearly, the best option is to make them PAY for it. Oh irony, you’re a fickle bitch, yes?

ANYWAY!! The whole reason I bring this is up this: when I start to really get serious about finding a new job and I make the time and find the energy and scrounge up the money? The Universe comes along and suddenly puts purpose into my otherwise soul-crushing job.

Suddenly, I’m getting the customers I can actually help. I’m making their lives easier. They want to see me. Life is good! Then for awhile I think well hey if this is how it’s going to be than I can deal with this for a bit longer.

Of course eventually it flips again and I’m back to square one. Basically I kind of feel like the Universe is giving me a big bitch slap and is all “Hey! That’s not your path right now!! I’LL let you know when it’s the right time – and now is NOT it. Now! Get to work.” Folks – The Universe has spoken. Or maybe I’m just giving up too easily? Sometimes it’s hard to know when to fight.

It's official, I've killed something with my big fat ass

My office is somehow swarming with ants. It’s gross. Plus now I look completely crazy. It’s like when someone tells you that their sister’s brother-in-law’s ex-finance’s daughter’s friend got lice and suddenly you’re itching your scalp for the next week? Yeah – that’s how it is with the ants. I’m itchy because I know that they are there. I spend much of my time on a crusade to squish ants and/or swat them off myself or various areas on or around my desk. Basically, I look like I’ve turned into a meth addict since I sit in my office itching and swatting at things nobody else can see except me or unless you’re reeeaaaally close to my desk. I’ve pretty much turned into the hottest banker EVAR. Obviously.

Apparently now, in my battle to be victorious over these amazingly resistant insects, they have decided to go all kamikaze and upped the game to include suicide missions. Essentially this involves sitting on my chair and waiting to see the shadow of my ass, at which time they know that the end is near. While it sounds like this is more a win for me and less so for the ants, you would be wrong. In fact I wouldn’t have ever caught on to their little strategy except that recently I’ve started changing into my gym clothes in the bathroom at work.

This really means nothing except as I was folding up my pants to put them in my bag, I noticed something on the back pocket. Upon closer inspection it appeared to be a dead ant. A dead ant….ON MY PANTS! Oooo, yes how very clever. So not only do I sit in my office all day looking monkey-shit insane while swatting at “nothing”, randomly stabbing at “nothing” on my desk and itching the entire time, but now I get to walk around all day at work with a dead ant on my pants! It’s pretty much only a matter of time before they realize the true beauty of this scenario and lay in wait in droves on my chair. Because obviously a horde of dead ants stuck to my pants would be even better…for them anyway.

On the plus side, I can now actually say I’ve killed something with my ass, which, really, I never would have thought was possible. Not that my ass isn’t capable of killing…clearly…but because I never imagined a situation where I would get the chance. Still…ants: 1; Me: 0.