Warning! Here I go blogging about work yet again

I've been working since I was 15 years old. Actually, I was probably a bit younger. The point is, that at 27 years old, I've been working almost half of my life already.

That is nuts.

Since I started college in January of 2000, I've been working at least 2 jobs, at one point three.

That is also nuts.

Between all those jobs, I've probably worked at least 6-7 days a week and up to, and sometimes, more than, 14 hours a day.

I don't know what the math on all this is - quite frankly I don't think I want to know least I fling myself in front of oncoming traffic. What it means, though, is, when you take into account the additional jobs, the extra hours, the 6-7 days a week of work - I've probably been working as long as I've been alive.

You know, based on hours.

Yikes.

If I'm a little burned out at this point, who can blame me?

Oh - that's right. My current job.

I find this very disturbing.

I mean ok - I'm starting to get a touch worried, because obviously my frustrations at my two jobs, usual separate issues, are starting to more than, apparently, effect my work performance.

Up until I started working at El Banco, I never had any sorts of "performance issues".

Ever.

I'm not just trying to talk myself up here either. I literally mean this. The only other time a boss said to me that is seemed like I didn't want to be there was when I didn't want to be there. I was completely aware of this though.

I figured I was doing a pretty good job of adjusting.

I wasn't aware of any blatant issues.

That's when they pulled out the reports. You know, because the numbers never lie! Dang it.

Ah, yes. The numbers.

This would be where we take a RADICAL departure from any of the jobs I've had ever before.

I've never had to compete with the numbers. It was always just be doing my job. Now there are rankings, and percentages, and goals, and numbers.

This pretty much holds true for both jobs.

I'm held accountable for attain ting all these...numbers.

There are other things too: Why don't customers come in just to see you? Why aren't you shaking the hand of every Tom, Dick, and Harry to enter the joint? Why aren't you on the Valium we freely give out to keep our employees at the super extreme high we require?? Above all - have you seen these NUMBERS??
(P.S. I'm totally kidding about the Valium, but they might want to consider it. That's the only way I'll every be Miss Mary Sunshine Every. Single. Damn. Day.)

I'll admit - I'm a bit alarmed that within the span of a week both my jobs have brought my attitude into this. It's never been an issue before. While clearly I need to be keeping that in check, I think it says a lot too.

It says "I'm sick of working! I'm sick of having not only just regular job stress but the stress of meeting all these....NUMBERS!"

I went to college. I blasted through that joint in 4.5 years with a Major and a double Minor. I was BUSY! I know shit. But here's the thing...

I'd still rather just be managing an office. I'd rather be ordering office supplies and getting the CEO coffee. I like being helpful. I enjoy making other people's lives easier. I'm a damn good assistant.

Yet society expects MORE.

Apparently I just don't have that to give. Well - apparently, I should say OBVIOUSLY.

Right now I don't have any answers. I don't know where to go from here. I mean how do you suddenly start walking into the place that just berated you for your ENTIRE JOB PERFORMANCE farting fairy dust and rainbows?

I'm just not the bigger person like that. My immediate reaction is to get MORE gloomy and MORE angry and just do LESS of absolutely EVERYTHING they want me to do.

You know, recently, one of my former co-workers sent me a little e-mail showing all the products from "back in the day" when they used to put cocaine and heroin and all that just in like cough syrup. Now, I'm not saying we should all go around using street drugs. Trust me. I'm the VERY LAST person that will condone that. However, I do think we need come up with a product that for now is completely legal and will just kind of float you through your work day. Or better yet - just kind of make you unconscious - like you go to work and you're totally normal, but once you get done you don't remember any of it.

Fantastic!

Until then, I'm going to have to keep playing the game. The game that I can no longer win. Yeah - THAT sounds like fun.