Thursday, May 7, 2009

Okay universe - you win, now take your ball and go home

I’ve basically been trying to quit my job for the last two years. Yes, that IS a long time for a job search, and the reasons it’s not working are: time, energy, and money.

Time because, well, I have two jobs so up to three times a week I work 14 hour days and when I do have a chance to do something I want to do my first thought isn’t to run and go check the classifieds or update ye olde resume. Also – I usually have an episode or two of “Lost” to catch up on and, obviously, what’s more important, real life or totally fake life? Exactly – tooooottally fake life

Energy is pretty much the same as “Time” see “14 hour days” as a reference.

Money. First there’s the obvious – postage! For awhile I decided I was too poor to continue to buy stamps so I stopped that. Additionally, when I do mail out a resume, I like to put it in an 8 1/2x11 sized envelope that matches my resume paper and is embossed with a little gold phrase “Do not bend” They are very nice and therefore even MORE expensive to send. Plus, this ties in nicely with “Time” because I don’t have the “Time” to go stand in like at the Post Office and once again I refer you back to “14 hour days”

The second caveat to “Money” is fairly unique for the line of work I want to do. Notice there that “want” is stressed. See, I stupidly majored in music. Just music. Didn’t want to teach, didn’t think performing was going to be paying the bills all the time, so…. I was pretty sure I had a plan though! I also – here’s where I figured the Benjamin’s would be rollin’ in – minored in arts management and advertising. See! Back up plan!!! Here’s what else they don’t tell you: 1) For every job you want so do like 500 other music majors and if there are 501 of you out there guaranteed there are only like 200 jobs (maybe. If you’re lucky). 2) Don’t even think you’re just gonna pop open the classifies or fire up your and immediately have like 50 positions to apply for. Nope. You get to pay for your job listings! Oh yes folks! Since artists already make so very much money (that whole “starving” artist thing? Just Kidding!!) clearly, the best option is to make them PAY for it. Oh irony, you’re a fickle bitch, yes?

ANYWAY!! The whole reason I bring this is up this: when I start to really get serious about finding a new job and I make the time and find the energy and scrounge up the money? The Universe comes along and suddenly puts purpose into my otherwise soul-crushing job.

Suddenly, I’m getting the customers I can actually help. I’m making their lives easier. They want to see me. Life is good! Then for awhile I think well hey if this is how it’s going to be than I can deal with this for a bit longer.

Of course eventually it flips again and I’m back to square one. Basically I kind of feel like the Universe is giving me a big bitch slap and is all “Hey! That’s not your path right now!! I’LL let you know when it’s the right time – and now is NOT it. Now! Get to work.” Folks – The Universe has spoken. Or maybe I’m just giving up too easily? Sometimes it’s hard to know when to fight.

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