Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Chinese Zodiac is trying to tell me my life is a lie

The boyfriend and I occasionally talk about the Zodiac, or really, usually just me when I'm trying to explain that I can't help that I wipe down the counters right after him because my Zodiac sign pretty much demands that I do it. That's not my fault it's the universe's fault so take it up with The Big Guy. Us Virgos are a little OCD. I'm sorry if that makes me hard to live with, but on the plus side, there is no way the house will ever be in complete chaos, so really he should be thanking me. You're welcome.

So there's the Western Zodiac, and then there's the Chinese Zodiac, which assigns you to certain animals based on the year you were born. I happen to be a Rooster, while the boyfriend is a Rabbit.

Since I couldn't remember what exactly the Rooster is known for...I assumed just being freaking annoying because have you ever been rudely awakened by a rooster? There is not sleeping when a rooster is around. Let me give you an image you can probably relate to: it's like being the next door neighbor of someone who owns a diesel truck. Just, you know...for instance.

Turns out, the Rooster is, among other things, a spotlight loving ego maniac! Which, sure, I'll admit I'm a bit of a stage whore, but I certainly don't mind sharing said stage. I just like performing, but usually with a group or at least one other person. That part didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but everything else was pretty much right in line with my Western Virgo status.

Then it starts talking about who your animal is compatible with, and, it turns out that my MORTAL ENEMY (that is the exact verbiage used!) is the Rabbit...better known as....the boyfriend. That's interesting, because I certainly don't feel like he's my mortal enemy. I rather enjoy having him around, which, were we actually MORTAL ENEMIESI would assume would not be the case. I probably never would have started dating him and we most certainly wouldn't be living together. Because oh my God! Who would LIVE with their MORTAL ENEMY?? Me, apparently.

I told the boyfriend of course, since maybe I was missing something. He informed me that he knew and had been plotting for the last year. I was all "So you're just waiting for the right moment then?" He's like "Well Yeah." So I was like "Well I guess I better get on installing those surveillance cameras then eh?" He just laughed and asked me with what money I had purchased them with.

Gah! Touche young grasshopper.

So then I was all "Well I also knew a year ago and that's when I bought the cameras. I was also waiting for the most opportune moment...and I think we've finally come upon it". He really didn't seem all that concerned. Probably because I've been telling him that I've been slowly poising his coffee but he continues to live. He's not even sick. Sometimes it's like we're Mr & Mrs. Smith but without being actual assassins or having any ninja skills. Except for me because I kickbox. Although it's not like ninja style kickboxing, because that would be way cooler.

To recap:
I have no surveillance cameras and I'm apparently living with someone who, according to the Chinese Zodiac, is my MORTAL ENEMY. Awesome.

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